This post is free form, stream of consciousness.
Have You Seen Me Lately? is one of my favorite songs by The Counting Crows. Adam Duritz tells the story behind the song in the Storytellers version of it…how he felt like he was losing the little pieces of himself out on the road:
You begin to pile up really big experiences, but I think sometimes you don’t get to keep any of the little ones that are really important, like in the song the person says
“And all the little things that make up a memory
Like she said she loved to watch me sleep
Like she said:
Its the breathing, its the breathing in and out and in”
I realized that I wasn’t getting to keep all the little memories. It maybe an angry song, but its also a really sad song about the little things you lose track of.
I am leaving my job and leaving Colorado partly to get myself back. I came across this song and several others as I am packing and preparing for what’s next. How do you pack for what’s next if you don’t know what that is? But maybe the answer is you don’t…maybe you unpack–the little memories, the moments that got stuffed deep inside the more you got lost….and that idea of unpacking made me wonder until that wonder found a moment inside me, and then another and another…and made me smile….
Several lines in the song really hit me…hard. The obvious ones are :
get away from me
this isn’t gonna be easy
but i don’t need you
yeah, you got a piece of me
but it’s just a little piece of me
I guess anytime I do something for pay, when my work gets lost in a job, and someone thinks they own me or my time or whatever units we use to measure life, I know they are buying or renting only a piece of me…but too often it seems they feel entitled to all of me, that what matters to them must matter to me. And it simply ain’t so…as I leave this place and take back my space, another line hits me:
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me?
And it made me think that’s a cool facebook or twitter post. Could you tell me one thing you remember about me?
And then the last line, the one that hits hardest:
I guess I thought somebody would say something if I was missing.
I guess that is what friends are for and thank goodness for the true friends who help me with this….I don’t think of this as an angry or sad song, but a beautiful one because it reminds me of those little things in my life, reminds me of the memories I had here, the lessons I learned. And while there are those I want to get away from, who I want to forget, the song reminds me of friends past who know those pieces of me, pieces no one took, but that I shared, not given away.
And it makes me a smile, a smile defined as when wonder meets a moment….